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I love birthdays. Celebrating the fact that your favorite people are in the world—there’s nothing better than that. But when it comes to my own, I often feel a bit off balance.
I revel in the art of aging. It doesn’t scare me, never has. I see the beauty in a life well lived. The smile lines deepening year by year. The body changing, the mind expanding. Empathy building year after year.
It’s not aging that makes me feel off balance—it’s qualification.
One minute I’m thirty-three, the next I’m thirty-four. Does that one stroke of a clock suddenly make me wiser? More qualified to share what I’ve learned? What I’ve lived?
Seniority has always been a sticky concept for me. Growing up in the world of athletics, you see it time and time again. The older kids getting priority and positions, being deemed leaders solely because of their age. Then, you grow up and move into the “real world” where you realize, for better or worse, it often works the same. Status, position, seniority all giving illusion that the older you are, the louder you’re allowed to be and vice versa.
By nature, I’m an overthinker. Not so much in an anxious or fearful way, but more in a people pleasing, thought daughter kind of way—Typical eldest daughter lore, I know. Because of this, I’ve always lived with a bit of imposter syndrome. In life, in work, in friendships, but especially when I write. Want to hear a few thoughts I’ve had while writing this post? Who am I to give anyone advice? Does this come off preachy? Arrogant? Am I being too honest? Maybe I should draft folder this until I feel more together. People don’t need to hear this from me. There are plenty of more qualified individuals out there for things like this. Dear lord, what if I say something wrong. Yeah…it’s a whole thing.
Talk the least, listen the hardest is a motto that as an observer—and someone who finds power in the noticing—I naturally live by. Knowing this, it should come as no surprise that my brain translates that to written speech as well. But should it? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure, but here we are in the year of Substack where I’ve committed to sharing and writing more than I ever have before.
Today, I turn thirty-four. I’m intentional in my thinking, broad in my reading, an old soul from the day I had my first thought—I feel wise for my age. But honestly? Am I qualified to share any of this just because I’ve lived 34 years? Probably not. But I do have a perspective. One that I very much like. I’ve written posts like this on my website before only to delete them due to thoughts like the above, but today…